AskerAnonymous

Tell a chemistry joke please

bombing:

two chemists walk into a bar. they exchange glances and right away the bartender knows where this is going. one chemist clears his throat and begins to order a “glass of h2o” while the other sits quietly, almost trembling with anticipation. the first chemist completes his order and the second opens his mouth to hit the h2o2 punchline, but before he can, his head explodes in a mass of red.

the first chemist blinks with surprise as blood, brain and skull fragments splatter all over his pristine white coat and the counter. after a stunned moment of silence, a woman screams and all hell breaks loose. the patrons begin knocking one another in a mad dash to the door as the chemists body slumps off the stool and slides to the floor. the first chemist is still too stunned to speak. 

on the roof of the building across the street, the sniper racks the bolt back and sends the spent case flying as another one takes its place. exhaling, he steadies the crosshairs directly on the head of the only chemist still breathing. the bar is empty now, save for the bartender who’s been watching the scene without a word. 

with wide eyes, the chemist raises his head to face the man behind the counter, only to find him staring intently at the window. he too looks behind him to the panes of glass, only to squint as the laser flits across his eyes. 

"it’s nothing personal," says the bartender. 
"strictly business." 

the chemist whirls around just in time to see the him dip his head in a curt nod. across the street, the sniper recognizes the signal and pulls the trigger without a moments hesitation, watching dark red fill his scope for the second time that day. raising his head, he pushes himself out of prone and stretches until he feels his phone vibrate. pulling it out of his pocket, he flips it open. 

"what do you want me to do with them?" 

he walks to the edge and looks down at the broken window of the bar below. 

"barium."

Daily Summary Eight

lmfao I said it was number six two days in a row…

Read more

postmodernismruinedme:

vardaesque:

unusualjourney:

what-rabbit-hole:

“some historians think that michelangelo was drawing god in a human brain. very few people knew what one looked like at the time; but michelangelo had dissected cadavers and would have known. it even has the hint of a brain stem. if true this would have been a great “fuck you” to the pope whom he was not friendly with but also would have meant god was in a human brain, or created by man.”

Interesting.

also michelangelo painted a baby angel flipping off the pope

image

the blond one, you see his right hand? that’s called the fig and it’s an old world european gesture for ‘fuck you” because apparently Pope Juluis II was a total raging asshole and everyone hated him

but nobody ever noticed this little fucker because the ceiling was so high

and then thirty years later they called michelangelo back to paint the wall behind the altar and he wasted no time in painting the gates of hell behind the pope’s chair

what a badass

It amuses me to this day how much Michelangelo hated his job

sigh I’ve done this before passingly but I’ve seen it twice and now I’m annoyed

if true this would have been a great “fuck you” to the pope whom he was not friendly with but also would have meant god was in a human brain, or created by man.”

this is just…lol, so wrong

what about that is a “fuck you” to the pope? moreover, how literally and devoid of symbolism must you live your life if you’re going to state that second fact so surely? which is more likely: that Michelangelo was some closet atheist who left this one hidden message of God+angels+Mary/Even/whoever-she-is in a brain to mean that they’re literally in a brain and thus ~created by man~ O R R R that Michelangelo — while enduring a strained relationship with the Church — chose to use a brain as symbolism to illustrate any of several valid points (maaaybe that God endowed Adam with intelligence and reason?  peeeeeeeeerhaps, given that this is the Creation of Adam, that Adam was born from the mind of God? could it poooooossibly be just a representation of divine widsom? nah it can’t be any of these; he’s saying that God is manmade!) ?

and then thirty years later they called michelangelo back to paint the wall behind the altar and he wasted no time in painting the gates of hell behind the pope’s chair

lol you do know that by the time he started painting the Last Judgement that Julius II had been dead for well over twenty years? afaik Michelangelo didn’t have any beef with Paul III who was a pretty big patron of the arts (and hey! pretty sure Dr. G mentioned in ASTR 1101 that Copernicus dedicated De Revolutionibus to him!).

When you say he ~wasted no time~ I assume you mistyped and meant “it took him like five years.” It’s not like he ran into, painted hell and skeedaddled — it was an actual new painting that sort of, like, took time. like, if you’d even spent two seconds looking up this stuff on Wikipedia you’d see a section about how some guy that Michelangelo didn’t like actually did have his face put on Minos or some shit (in Hell) and when he complained it was the Pope who joked that “well lol Hell ain’t in my jurisdiction so ain’t shit I can do” — you really think putting Hell where it was was some sort of insult that slipped by him? lol here’s two alternatives:

1. if you read Matthew 16:18 you see a pretty famous passage where Jesus tells Peter (known to Catholics as traditionally the first Pope) “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hell will not overcome it,” so it…kind of makes sense that the Pope’s chair would be there as the “first line of defense” or somethin’?

also uh lol

2. the fact that the painting is The Last Judgement and so it shows the saved rising to Heaven and the damned falling to Hell (like seriously google image that shit if you don’t believe me) and so if they’re falling to Hell…you put it at the bottom…like, ground level…where…chairs and stuff usually are, and…oh…

but no Michelangelo was making some edgy “lol ur goin 2 hell XD” statement, I mean lol I’mma be honest that’s something catchy and easy to remember and repeat; I can’t blame y’all for just regurgitating shit you hear without looking into stuff and even trying just five minutes of resea-

wait yes I can you’re all idiots

(via raeda-in-fossa-est)

AskerAnonymous

I'm glad everything is just a big joke to you

officialunitedstates:

lenkagamines:

officialunitedstates:

is something serious happening that im not commenting on so everyone is aware im taking it very seriously? my bad i am very concerned about the ebola outbreak in the us.  i am washing my hands a little longer and drinking a little bit more water.  thanks

Actually you’ll be pleased to hear there’s no ebola outbreak in the United States. You’re thinking of a region in west Africa, in countries surrounding (but not limited to) Guinea and Nigeria. Two ebola patients were flown into the United States, however, and successfully cured with a medication that ordinarily has an incredibly low success rate (I’ve been told it’s around 30%).

thats what they want you to think so you dont panic.  but thats none of my business image

image

QUALITY memes

QUALITY memes

quality memes

quality memes

Askerthespongefish

feeling bad for not having seen your daily summaries before but i read the first one and then the one for yesterday bc i knew i'd be mentioned in both and that was cool and I'm glad you're doing this now and imma catch up on reading all of them later on today but i just wanted to tell you that you're doing it right and I'm so proud. just like you're proud of teaching me something. I'm proud of getting you to do this wooooooooooooooooooo gonna keep going until character limit woooooo aw yeeeeahhh

I’m proud you’re proud! btw that thing I toldja bout is called a contraction mapping and also the coffee was yirgacheffe coffee! I’m already cookin’ up ur next math lesson~~

stkreuz:

psifreezeomega:

esudese:

IGN continues to not know about video games
in other news, the sky is blue

"tiny 4-player characters"what in the fuck

>ign

gr8 b8 m8 i r8 8.8

stkreuz:

psifreezeomega:

esudese:

IGN continues to not know about video games

in other news, the sky is blue

"tiny 4-player characters"
what in the fuck

>ign

gr8 b8 m8 i r8 8.8

(via spookymojkun)

squarecutorpearshape:

WHO IS RAISING THIS CHILD

(Source: tropius, via thebitterfrenchcanadian)

nbchannibal:

Happy

image

October

image

FIRST

image